The joke thread II - Page 285

Jimbuna · 04-27-23, 01:23 PM

My wife is so bad at cooking we usually pray after eating our food.

Jimbuna · 04-28-23, 05:35 AM

Just had a strange conversation with my wife about getting a home-improvement loan. She offered me £5,000 to move out.

Jimbuna · 04-28-23, 05:57 AM

My mate said “It must be strange having a surname like Head”

I said “It’s much worse for my uncle Dick”

Jimbuna · 04-29-23, 04:36 AM

Can’t believe I’ve been banned from Walmart. Apparently when the checkout girl said “strip down facing me” she was talking about my credit card.

Jimbuna · 04-29-23, 04:40 AM

The wife and I were sitting on the couch watching the TV and it was boring so I thought I’d start a conversation.

Me: How many men have you had in total?
Wife: Are sure you want to know?
Me: Yeh, go on.
Wife: 7.
Me (after a pause): so I was number 7.
Wife: no, you were number 2.

Jimbuna · 04-30-23, 05:18 AM

What flavour ice-cream do electricians like to eat?
Shock-a-lot!

Jimbuna · 04-30-23, 05:25 AM

Psychic wanted: £500,000 per year offered including company car. Please email your CV to the address which appears in your crystal ball.

Jimbuna · 05-01-23, 05:32 AM

Yo mama is so stupid that she tried to call Dr Pepper to discuss her health concerns.

Jimbuna · 05-01-23, 05:37 AM

Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even jump to conclusions.

Platapus · 05-01-23, 01:05 PM

My wife just E-mailed me from her work

"Three women here just had flowers delivered to the office
And they were gorgeous!"

I replied: That's probably why?

Platapus · 05-01-23, 01:06 PM

My wife: How many women have you slept with?

Me: Only you

My wife: So I am the only one?

Me: Sure, with all the other women we were too busy to sleep.

Jimbuna · 05-02-23, 04:44 AM

My local church have now installed Wi-Fi to help improve communication. Are they finally admitting praying doesn’t work?

Jimbuna · 05-02-23, 04:52 AM

My doctor told me today that I shouldn’t drink alcohol every day. “That’s fine”, I said, I only drink at night anyway.

Jimbuna · 05-03-23, 05:49 AM

My wife´s suspicious mind is really begining to annoy me. Last night after looking at my calendar she wanted to know who May was.

Jimbuna · 05-03-23, 05:51 AM

Yo mama is so stupid that she studied for a drugs test.

04-27-23, 01:23 PM	#4261
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife is so bad at cooking we usually pray after eating our food. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-28-23, 05:35 AM	#4262
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just had a strange conversation with my wife about getting a home-improvement loan. She offered me £5,000 to move out. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-28-23, 05:57 AM	#4263
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My mate said “It must be strange having a surname like Head” I said “It’s much worse for my uncle Dick” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-29-23, 04:36 AM	#4264
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can’t believe I’ve been banned from Walmart. Apparently when the checkout girl said “strip down facing me” she was talking about my credit card. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-29-23, 04:40 AM	#4265
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The wife and I were sitting on the couch watching the TV and it was boring so I thought I’d start a conversation. Me: How many men have you had in total? Wife: Are sure you want to know? Me: Yeh, go on. Wife: 7. Me (after a pause): so I was number 7. Wife: no, you were number 2. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-30-23, 05:18 AM	#4266
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What flavour ice-cream do electricians like to eat? Shock-a-lot! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-30-23, 05:25 AM	#4267
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Psychic wanted: £500,000 per year offered including company car. Please email your CV to the address which appears in your crystal ball. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-01-23, 05:32 AM	#4268
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so stupid that she tried to call Dr Pepper to discuss her health concerns. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-01-23, 05:37 AM	#4269
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even jump to conclusions. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-01-23, 01:05 PM	#4270
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,975 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife just E-mailed me from her work "Three women here just had flowers delivered to the office And they were gorgeous!" I replied: That's probably why? __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-01-23, 01:06 PM	#4271
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,975 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife: How many women have you slept with? Me: Only you My wife: So I am the only one? Me: Sure, with all the other women we were too busy to sleep. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-02-23, 04:44 AM	#4272
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My local church have now installed Wi-Fi to help improve communication. Are they finally admitting praying doesn’t work? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-02-23, 04:52 AM	#4273
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My doctor told me today that I shouldn’t drink alcohol every day. “That’s fine”, I said, I only drink at night anyway. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-03-23, 05:49 AM	#4274
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife´s suspicious mind is really begining to annoy me. Last night after looking at my calendar she wanted to know who May was. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-03-23, 05:51 AM	#4275
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so stupid that she studied for a drugs test. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)