The joke thread II

[Jimbuna]

After hours of thinking I’ve finally decided on my new years resolution…

1920 x 1080

[Jimbuna]

I saw a naked man jogging in the snow the other day. I asked him what he was doing outdoors naked and he said it was because I was home early.

[Jimbuna]

Yo mama so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

[Jimbuna]

Cant believe how cheeky my son is. I bought him a bb gun for christmas and he got me a sweatshirt with a bullseye on the back.

[Platapus]

My wife and I were admiring cars


She said "I could see myself in a Jaguar"


I wondered where I could find one hungry enough.....

[Jimbuna]

Since my wife left me I’ve been left with a really big gap to fill.. She was quite fat and we had a memory foam mattress.

[Jimbuna]

Just had a really interesting conversation with a Psychology graduate about how on average people tend to day-dream about 40% of the time. He also said something else that was interesting but I forgot the rest of the conversation, will have to ask him again next time he serves me in McDonald’s.

[Jimbuna]

Q. Who is the most tech-savvy Israeli Prime Minister?
A. Netandyahoo

[Jimbuna]

Yo mama is so stupid she has to set the password for her computer as ‘incorrect’ so when she types it in wrong the computer can tell her what to type.

[Jimbuna]

Yo mama is so old she was the party planner for the last supper!

[Jimbuna]

Yo mama is so old when she went to school they didn’t study history.

[Jimbuna]

My midget landlord told me that he wants me to leave my house by tommorow night. That‘s short notice.

[Jimbuna]

Had a really stiff neck when I woke up this morning. My wife said she hopes it spreads.

[Jimbuna]

I heard on the radio today that a warlord in Afghanistan has purchased over 3 million poppies. It’s great to see Islamic military leaders showing their respect to the British Armed Forces.

[Jimbuna]

What animal is either happy & playful or viscous & deadly depending on its mood?

…… A bi-polar bear.