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Old 12-19-21, 02:45 PM   #10006
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Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
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Old 12-20-21, 08:52 AM   #10007
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Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
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Old 12-21-21, 10:34 AM   #10008
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Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more.
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Old 12-23-21, 09:29 AM   #10009
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I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode.
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Old 12-28-21, 07:10 AM   #10010
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If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
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Old 12-29-21, 12:35 PM   #10011
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I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
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Old 12-30-21, 07:04 AM   #10012
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I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?
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Old 12-31-21, 11:58 AM   #10013
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You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.
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Old 01-01-22, 02:08 PM   #10014
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Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers.
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Old 01-02-22, 07:51 AM   #10015
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Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
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Old 01-04-22, 06:35 AM   #10016
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Please God, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
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Old 01-05-22, 12:28 PM   #10017
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In spring, birds return from their tropical vacation. Six months later they regret their decision and go back.
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Old 01-08-22, 10:36 AM   #10018
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To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.
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Old 01-09-22, 03:24 PM   #10019
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Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
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Old 01-10-22, 10:37 AM   #10020
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Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
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