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03-22-21, 05:00 PM | #2851 |
Fleet Admiral
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I think that 6:30 is the best time of the day
Hands down
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-22-21, 05:01 PM | #2852 |
Fleet Admiral
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A friend of mine told me that she was having a hard time paying her water bill.
I sent her a "Get Well Soon" card.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-23-21, 09:56 AM | #2853 |
Chief of the Boat
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What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frost bite!
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-23-21, 09:57 AM | #2854 |
Chief of the Boat
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What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-23-21, 05:33 PM | #2855 |
Fleet Admiral
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I got fired from my job at Uber.
Evidently going that extra mile is not recommended
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-23-21, 05:35 PM | #2856 |
Fleet Admiral
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I got fired from my retail store because my till was always a little bit short
When asked why, I told my boss, "Because when I work, I always give 110%"
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-24-21, 12:48 PM | #2857 |
Chief of the Boat
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My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion. The doctor asked him a series of questions: “Do you know where you are?” “I’m at Rex Hospital.” “What city are you in?” “Raleigh.” “Do you know who I am?” “Dr. Hamilton.” My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, “I hope he doesn’t ask me any more questions.” “Why?” she asked. “Because all of those answers were on his badge.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-24-21, 12:49 PM | #2858 |
Chief of the Boat
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As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. It always struck me as odd to be asking this question right after brain surgery, so a colleague suggested I ask patients to show me their teeth. Armed with this new phrase, I said to my next patient, “Mr. Smith, show me your teeth.” He shook his head. “The nurse has them.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-24-21, 04:58 PM | #2859 |
Fleet Admiral
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What has four letters. Sometimes has nine letters. Never has five letters.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-25-21, 01:22 PM | #2860 |
Chief of the Boat
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Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news.
"Good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry. "Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-25-21, 01:23 PM | #2861 |
Chief of the Boat
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A doctor told his patient, "There's good news and bad news. The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss." The patient said, "Oh no, Doctor. What's the bad news?"
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-25-21, 02:21 PM | #2862 | |
Village Idiot
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Quote:
__________________
I don't do Stupid. So don't ask. |
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03-25-21, 05:35 PM | #2863 |
Fleet Admiral
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I decided to quit my job as a treadmill tester
The job was going no where fast.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-25-21, 05:36 PM | #2864 |
Fleet Admiral
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I had to return my box of animal crackers to the store
The seal was broken
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-26-21, 06:39 AM | #2865 |
Chief of the Boat
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I’d never had surgery, and I was nervous. “This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure,” the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until … “Heck,” he continued, “you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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