The joke thread II - Page 286

Platapus · 05-03-23, 02:51 PM

As I was celebrating yet another advanced birthday, my wife kept whispering those three special words. Every birthday she makes it a point to whisper those same three words to me. It has become a tradition.

"Sign the will"

Platapus · 05-03-23, 02:53 PM

I asked my wife how many men did she have sex with in her life.

She said nine.

So I was the ninth?

No, you were the fourth.

Jimbuna · 05-04-23, 07:42 AM

Q. What’s the difference between a collection of decapitated heads and a Ferrari?
A. I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

Jimbuna · 05-04-23, 07:43 AM

Had a really great night out last night according to my police report.

Jimbuna · 05-05-23, 04:25 AM

Got tasered picking up my friend from the airport today. Apparently security don’t like it when you shout ‘hi-Jack’.

Jimbuna · 05-05-23, 04:33 AM

A girl only has one heart so playing around with it is wrong, play with her boobs instead, she’s got two of them.

Aktungbby · 05-05-23, 12:18 PM

Always marry a spouse with better credit than yourself; that way, He/she is truely your 'significant other'....

as in: "Sign-if-I-cant" better half!!?

Jimbuna · 05-06-23, 05:10 AM

Yo mama is so stupid that when I told her Windows had no virus protection she called a builder.

Jimbuna · 05-06-23, 06:52 AM

Who’s the coolest person in a hospital?
The ultra sound guy.

Tango589 · 05-06-23, 07:26 AM

I went to see The Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra and the triangle player disappeared.

Jimbuna · 05-06-23, 12:00 PM

Yo mama is so fat that she played the part of the iceberg in the film Titanic.

Jimbuna · 05-07-23, 05:24 AM

Schools have come under pressure recently as large numbers of students have been getting bad exam results. On the plus side pregnancy test results are at an all-time high.

Jimbuna · 05-07-23, 05:44 AM

Threw a lemon into my friends face as a joke last week, he’s quite bitter about it.

Jimbuna · 05-08-23, 09:00 AM

Don’t know why everyone suddenly thinks North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-Un is crazy. It was obvious after he made that song ‘Gangnam Style’ that something wasn’t quite right with him.

Jimbuna · 05-08-23, 09:18 AM

Went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a loaf of bread, the birds were all over me.

05-03-23, 02:51 PM	#4276
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,960 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	As I was celebrating yet another advanced birthday, my wife kept whispering those three special words. Every birthday she makes it a point to whisper those same three words to me. It has become a tradition. "Sign the will" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-03-23, 02:53 PM	#4277
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,960 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I asked my wife how many men did she have sex with in her life. She said nine. So I was the ninth? No, you were the fourth. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-04-23, 07:42 AM	#4278
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. What’s the difference between a collection of decapitated heads and a Ferrari? A. I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-04-23, 07:43 AM	#4279
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Had a really great night out last night according to my police report. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-05-23, 04:25 AM	#4280
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got tasered picking up my friend from the airport today. Apparently security don’t like it when you shout ‘hi-Jack’. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-05-23, 04:33 AM	#4281
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A girl only has one heart so playing around with it is wrong, play with her boobs instead, she’s got two of them. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-05-23, 12:18 PM	#4282
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 27,871 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	Always marry a spouse with better credit than yourself; that way, He/she is truely your '*significant* other'.... as in: "Sign-if-I-cant" better half!!? __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness; and I'm not too sure about the Universe"

05-06-23, 05:10 AM	#4283
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so stupid that when I told her Windows had no virus protection she called a builder. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-06-23, 06:52 AM	#4284
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Who’s the coolest person in a hospital? The ultra sound guy. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-06-23, 07:26 AM	#4285
Tango589 Still crazy as ever! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 3,358 Downloads: 180 Uploads: 1	I went to see The Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra and the triangle player disappeared. __________________ Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way...

05-06-23, 12:00 PM	#4286
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so fat that she played the part of the iceberg in the film Titanic. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-07-23, 05:24 AM	#4287
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Schools have come under pressure recently as large numbers of students have been getting bad exam results. On the plus side pregnancy test results are at an all-time high. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-07-23, 05:44 AM	#4288
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Threw a lemon into my friends face as a joke last week, he’s quite bitter about it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-08-23, 09:00 AM	#4289
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Don’t know why everyone suddenly thinks North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-Un is crazy. It was obvious after he made that song ‘Gangnam Style’ that something wasn’t quite right with him. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-08-23, 09:18 AM	#4290
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,284 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a loaf of bread, the birds were all over me. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)