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Old 06-22-08, 08:20 AM   #961
Raptor1
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Granted:
Quote:
It was a dark and stormy night.

The SS Subsim, a tramp steamer, has just been torpedoed by a German U-Boat, the order to abandon ship is given, and soon the 106 crew members begin to fill the life boats, however, there are also 934 stowaways aboard, and the life boats are all full before Cabin boy Stealth Hunter managed to board one, the ship founders with him becoming the only casualty of the attack, drowning and freezing to death in the middle of a dark and stomy night in the North Sea.
I wish we didn't just sink because of Stealth Hunter (even if he did get what he deserves for it)
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Old 06-22-08, 08:30 AM   #962
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stealth Hunter
Granted, but Subsim transforms into a boat and begins to sink by the bow. She's only got about an hour and a half left! And we're all there, as real people! And the sea is freezing cold! And we're out in the middle of the North Sea! And there's no hope of rescue to come and save us!

I wish someone would describe the events of the sinking of the SS Subsim.

Granted, it goes something like this:

Stealth Hunter dressed himself up as a woman and cowardly allowed himself to be ushered towards the front of the queue with the women and children.

There were only two lifeboats remaining and as soon as Stealth Hunter got first seat on the first lifeboat he suddenly cast off denying anyone else a place.

As it happened, one of the two lifeboats had a cracked hull and unfortunately ot was the one Stealth Hunter was in. It sank in a few minutes taking the cowardly Stealth Hunter, screaming and thrashing in the water to the bottom with it.

As the remaining survivors looked on with smiles on their faces, the children clapped and the women cheered, the stark reality of the predicament they were in was forgotten for a moment.

After a few minutes, reality returned and once more they started to face up to the reality that the one remaining lifeboat would never be able to hold them all.

Suddenly a loud cheer was heard and out of the darkness Neal was seen speeding to the rescue in hospital ship......and they all lived happily ever after.

I wish this was a best seller.
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Old 06-22-08, 08:45 AM   #963
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Granted, but I sue you for stealing some of my copyrighted material.

I wish that I had an airplane.
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Old 06-22-08, 03:49 PM   #964
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Granted. Your airplane is three-inches long, made of balsa wood and one wing is broken off.

I wish I didn't have to cut the lawn.
 
Old 06-22-08, 03:51 PM   #965
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Granted, Instead you have to cut the throats of your fellow political dissidents under threat of execution

I wish I could summon full bottles of Coke (with Coke, REAL Coke, and not cocaine or that coal stuff either) at will
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Old 06-22-08, 04:05 PM   #966
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Granted, but you still get billed off the company for what you consume.

I wish there was no such thing as VAT in the UK.
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Old 06-22-08, 07:11 PM   #967
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Granted, but as a consequence, the UK ceases to exist.

I wish that the Titanic DIDN'T sink.
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Old 06-22-08, 09:50 PM   #968
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Granted, instead she burns to the waterline and is scrapped to make urinals for ballparks.

I wish that I could get a five-year, $27 million contract to play computer games full time.
 
Old 06-23-08, 12:23 AM   #969
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomizer
Granted, instead she burns to the waterline and is scrapped to make urinals for ballparks.

I wish that I could get a five-year, $27 million contract to play computer games full time.
Granted, but you bankrupt the company after a week, so it's back to tacobell for you.


I wish we had tank (military, not storage!) rides at the subsim meetin'.:hmm:
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Old 06-23-08, 02:11 AM   #970
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Granted, but the controls malfuntion and 5 members are killed, including Neal!!

I wish that George Carlin was still alive.
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Old 06-23-08, 02:59 AM   #971
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Granted, he must be....they reckon he was driving the tank. Incidentally he was also killed during the accident.

I wish I knew who George Carlin is/was.
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Old 06-23-08, 03:11 AM   #972
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Granted. George Carlin is (rather WAS) a comedian most famous for his "Seven Dirty Words" skit. The downside to all this is that he died yesterday from heart failure...

I wish that I could become a flying ace of World War I.
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Old 06-23-08, 03:16 AM   #973
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Granted, but you get shot down and killed after your 5th victory

I wish I had my very own organized crime...organization...
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Old 06-23-08, 03:18 AM   #974
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Granted, but you're epic failures who have absolutely no qualifications or experience in money laundering, extortion, fighting, and you henceforth are swindled by opposing organized crime syndicates and left with nothing in the end but your clothes... and even then, those gun-totting Wops broke both your legs AND put a bullet in your left hand!

I wish that I could sober up again after drinking a bit of Jack Daniels.
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Old 06-23-08, 03:21 AM   #975
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Granted, but you instead wake up inside a jail cell with a transvestite beside you!

I wish someone could take out Mugabe and no one would notice it!
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