I wrote a novel about cargo submarines. Want to test read it? (For free of course.)

[toothandnail]

You guys are the first people to read it that I don't know personally.
That means a lot to me! I feel more inspired to get going on the next
edit-pass through the novel, something I have been putting off because I
didn't have a sense of who might read this thing.

I welcome all feedback/corrections. But in addition to
technical/mechanical fixes, I'm particularly interested in places where
the book feels like it drags (or if you give up on reading it -- where
did that happen?) I don't want it to be a boring book! Really trying for
a page-turner here.

@Shady Bill: I admire the discipline of a person who can STOP reading
bad books. That's definitely the best way to get a lot more books
read. I definitely look forward to your thoughts on it.

@mapuc: I hope you're right and there's silent hundreds checking it
out. Especially since Subsim is currently the only place I have posted
it online.

[mapuc]

^ To find out how many who may have downloaded your e-book. You could make a post here in this thread where you ask us whether we have downloaded the e-book or not and if we have or is reading it.

Like
Have you downloaded my e-book

"Yes and I have read it"
"Yes I am reading it/about to read it"
"No I haven't/Not interested"

I would make the poll secret.

Only an idea nothing else


Markus

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by toothandnail

You guys are the first people to read it that I don't know personally.
That means a lot to me!

No problem, I will give you my notes of it after I am done. It is actually really fun to read and has drawn me in. I have been a bit busier than usual so I have not been able to read quite as fast, but should be able to finish it in the next 2 weeks.


I absolutely am having a blast reading it. It is very good. so good, I would think this could be published. I honestly think you could sell this.

I absolutely love the characters. I am not a very fast reader, because I visualize everything I read. A book is only good when it reads like a play or a movie to me. If things are described well; the characters, their flaws, their strengths, their looks..I can visualize this grande play almost in my head. Instead of something I just read, things become more like "scenes" if that makes sense...


anyways, your book reads that nicely, where I can visualize my surroundings inside the story. That makes it a very interesting and well written book for me.



I urge you to complete this project to its full fruition. To do anything less would be a disservice to your talents. This is something to be proud of.

[mapuc]

In my reading I've noticed that he may have been influenced by Tom Clancy. I could be wrong, it "feels" like reading Tom Clancy between the lines.

Markus

[toothandnail]

@Shady Bill: "I can visualize this grande play almost in my head.
Instead of something I just read" -- That's what it's like when I'm
writing it too. I can see this stuff in my head, I just write down
what I see. (A quick aside: that's the reason I prefer "roguelikes" to
any other style of video game -- because when the graphics are just
ASCII characters, the game is more in your head that it is on the
screen. Like reading a good book.)

@Mapuc: I'll take that Tom Clancy association as a compliment! The
dude may have been a little off his rocker, but he sure knew how to
put together a page-turner with submarines in it.

Thanks guys. Your encouragement definitely has me plotting the next
round edits, which I think will get it to a place where I'd be pretty
happy to share it widely.

No matter how good it is though, I suspect the subject matter might
have a pretty limited audience. I'm not sure how many submarine novel
reading people there are left in the world. Or, at least it seems like
it wouldn't be very many where there's no Nazis or Russians in the
book. That could be the limiting factor on getting it published by any
conventional place. But maybe that's fine too. Maybe I just keep it
going under and open-content license and let it just get out there.

Any thoughts on audience and distribution are definitely welcome too.
That part is harder than the actual writing, I think.

[Shady Bill]

I did some more reading. Made it to page 90 this morning with my coffee.

Just to give you heads up; I did not read the preface. I want to go into a book knowing nothing about it. I want to have no preconceived notions of the world I am about to enter.

What I really like (having read to page 90)

1) So far, I have no idea what year it is or where this takes place. At this point, the story could be a sci-fi story about some sort of steampunk submarine, in a strange, infinitely deep ocean on a strange planet. This is great! I absolutely love this. It almost feels like Mad Max on water, with subs. Especially when Percy's sub first gets rammed by the Authority sub.

2) The whole scene describing their sub sinking and them fighting to avoid this. Really well described, it reads very "fast", like an action movie. You have no need to worry about not adding enough real life submarine science...more than enough is there for an average reader. I think any more would bog the story down.


3) I enjoy the characters, but I will say having read only to page 90; I don't feel like I know them yet. I want to know more about their backgrounds. But all that might still come

4) So far, for me the three stars are Percy, Hemi and Shakes. I have high hopes for Shakes. We just ran into that crazy bastard when we surfaced Prospect.


What I do not like:


1) There is too much swearing. I am not bothered by foul language one bit. I tend to find it charming as it gives the characters an edgy, saltiness.
You are overdoing it here. There is *way* to many F-bombs. There are also some expressions that could be considered offensive to women. I guess it is your choice, but it could alienate some. I don't mind a little swearing to create character, but there are times it is off-putting (at least for me). This of course, is a rough draft, so no problems there.

2) Sort of because part 1 above, I don't like the Chip character (page 21 we meet her). I think the whole "edgy, gruff mechanic girl fixing the sub or the spaceship" has been often done before. If you want to use this type of arch-character, I need to know way more about her. But again, i am only at page 90.

Can't wait to read more. Very impressed so far. I almost hope it doesn't become a WW2 type thing. Not sure if the sci fi genre has touched on alien deep ocean travel. But whatever comes, I am sure it will be very interesting.

I will update more as I read tonight and tomorrow morning. I wanted you to know I am taking the time to really experience the book. When I am done I will do a character analysis of all the main characters.

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by toothandnail

I'm not sure how many submarine novel
reading people there are left in the world.
Any thoughts on audience and distribution are definitely welcome too.
That part is harder than the actual writing, I think.

I wouldn't aim for ww2 historian submarine aficionados. I would make this a crazy post apocalyptic story or a strange sci-fi western on the water. That is what the book feels like the first 100 pages. And that is a pretty novel concept. But not having read the whole thing, I need to finish it first.



It feels like a cross between Mad Max and Water World in my mind *especially* after just having met Shakes on the Gnat.

[mapuc]

Yes it was a compliment to your writing.

I have however to agree on what Bill wrote-There's to many F-words.

Try to find substitute for these F-words.

When you are finish with the book I would recommend you to let someone do the proofreading

Markus

[toothandnail]

Roger that.

I don't fault you for skipping the preface (I probably would have too)
but in this case the preface does include some notes about things
that are still in the works. Chief among them the swearing: it was an
experiment as an easy way to make the book grittier and rougher. But it
isn't working. The swearing is first on the chopping block for the next
edit pass. Sorry about that!

Interesting notes about Chips. That character definitely needs work.
Not least her name. "Chips" was kind of a placeholder (based on the
ancient notion that the ship's carpenter is always nicknamed "Chips").

In my opinion (granted, somewhat biased) the second half of the book is
*more* exciting than the first half.

[Shady Bill]

Originally Posted by toothandnail

Roger that.

I don't fault you for skipping the preface (I probably would have too)
but in this case the preface does include some notes about things
that are still in the works. Chief among them the swearing: it was an
experiment as an easy way to make the book grittier and rougher. But it
isn't working. The swearing is first on the chopping block for the next
edit pass. Sorry about that!

Interesting notes about Chips. That character definitely needs work.
Not least her name. "Chips" was kind of a placeholder (based on the
ancient notion that the ship's carpenter is always nicknamed "Chips").

In my opinion (granted, somewhat biased) the second half of the book is
*more* exciting than the first half.

I think the first 100 are quite good. And I wouldn't totally eliminate the swearing; these are gritty people who live a rough and tough lifestyle. Just use a finer brush I guess


I will read the preface when I am done with the book (that is a logical statement isn't it ). I want to be surprised until the end without ruining anything. I haven't given up on poor Chips either. I look forward to learning more about her and her interactions with Shakes.