The joke thread II - Page 284

Jimbuna · 04-23-23, 04:58 AM

Yo mama is so ugly that even dogs refuse to lick her face.

Jimbuna · 04-23-23, 05:00 AM

I first discovered I was dyslexic when I went to an Abba themed party dressed like an Arab.

Jimbuna · 04-24-23, 05:31 AM

Had a one night stand last year that went horribly wrong, we’re now married.

Jimbuna · 04-24-23, 05:36 AM

Yesterday my boss told me “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want”. Today when I turned up at the office dressed like a Ghostbuster he told me I was fired.

Platapus · 04-24-23, 05:37 AM

Me: Look at that marbling. That's what would make a great steak!

Everyone else at the autopsy:

Platapus · 04-24-23, 05:51 AM

My Wife: Do you remember the dumbest thing you ever said to me?

Me: I do

Jimbuna · 04-24-23, 05:59 AM

Once you get past a certain age “getting lucky” is the thing that happens when your remember where you put down your keys.

Jimbuna · 04-25-23, 05:36 AM

Yo mama is so ugly she can’t even attract mosquitos!

Jimbuna · 04-25-23, 06:06 AM

People are really strange. When you scream in a library they tell you to shut up but when you do it on an airplane everyone joins in.

magic452 · 04-25-23, 11:25 PM

Five guys who play poker are in their regular Friday game when Bill thinks he has a hand that he can't lose, goes all in but finds out he just lost $1,000. He is so shocked that he has a heart attack and dies.

The rest of the group can't agree on who will tell Bill's wife so they decide to draw cards. Mike, who is the most insensitive guy in the group, draws the lowest card so he gets up to give the bad news to Bill's wife.

When Bill's wife answers the door, Mike tells her, "Bill lost $1,000 tonight and is worried about coming home." The angry wife yells, "If he lost $1,000 tell him to drop dead!" Mike answers, "OK, I'll tell him."

Magic

Jimbuna · 04-26-23, 04:36 AM

Q. What do cigarettes and cats have in common?

A. They’re both really bad for your health if you put them in your mouth and set fire to them.

Jimbuna · 04-26-23, 06:49 AM

Do birds really “sing” or are they actually releasing tiny screams because they’re scared of heights?

Jimbuna · 04-27-23, 05:16 AM

The health service in this country is a disgrace. My doctor told me to run 3 miles a day for a month. I’m now completely lost and 90 miles away from home.

Jimbuna · 04-27-23, 05:19 AM

Yo mama is so stupid that when she was making French toast she got her tongue stuck in the toaster.

Platapus · 04-27-23, 01:13 PM

My son: Dad, I built a model of Mount Everest

Me: Is it to scale?

My son: (sighs) No dad, just to look at....

04-23-23, 04:58 AM	#4246
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so ugly that even dogs refuse to lick her face. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-23-23, 05:00 AM	#4247
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I first discovered I was dyslexic when I went to an Abba themed party dressed like an Arab. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-24-23, 05:31 AM	#4248
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Had a one night stand last year that went horribly wrong, we’re now married. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-24-23, 05:36 AM	#4249
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yesterday my boss told me “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want”. Today when I turned up at the office dressed like a Ghostbuster he told me I was fired. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-24-23, 05:37 AM	#4250
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,975 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Me: Look at that marbling. That's what would make a great steak! Everyone else at the autopsy: __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-24-23, 05:51 AM	#4251
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,975 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My Wife: Do you remember the dumbest thing you ever said to me? Me: I do __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-24-23, 05:59 AM	#4252
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Once you get past a certain age “getting lucky” is the thing that happens when your remember where you put down your keys. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-25-23, 05:36 AM	#4253
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so ugly she can’t even attract mosquitos! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-25-23, 06:06 AM	#4254
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	People are really strange. When you scream in a library they tell you to shut up but when you do it on an airplane everyone joins in. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-25-23, 11:25 PM	#4255
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Five guys who play poker are in their regular Friday game when Bill thinks he has a hand that he can't lose, goes all in but finds out he just lost $1,000. He is so shocked that he has a heart attack and dies. The rest of the group can't agree on who will tell Bill's wife so they decide to draw cards. Mike, who is the most insensitive guy in the group, draws the lowest card so he gets up to give the bad news to Bill's wife. When Bill's wife answers the door, Mike tells her, "Bill lost $1,000 tonight and is worried about coming home." The angry wife yells, "If he lost $1,000 tell him to drop dead!" Mike answers, "OK, I'll tell him." Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

04-26-23, 04:36 AM	#4256
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. What do cigarettes and cats have in common? A. They’re both really bad for your health if you put them in your mouth and set fire to them. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-26-23, 06:49 AM	#4257
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Do birds really “sing” or are they actually releasing tiny screams because they’re scared of heights? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-27-23, 05:16 AM	#4258
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The health service in this country is a disgrace. My doctor told me to run 3 miles a day for a month. I’m now completely lost and 90 miles away from home. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-27-23, 05:19 AM	#4259
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Yo mama is so stupid that when she was making French toast she got her tongue stuck in the toaster. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

04-27-23, 01:13 PM	#4260
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,975 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My son: Dad, I built a model of Mount Everest Me: Is it to scale? My son: (sighs) No dad, just to look at.... __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.