The Bilge

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Wolferz

That was after we made port and got hauled up into the dry dock.

That part REALLY HURT!

Maybe that wasn't a jellyfish I stepped on after all walking up the dock...

Worse, I gave it to donna to use in the bilge stew...


Oh...Sleemo, here's your introductory lubricant can...Keep in near at all times and always bring it to all secret meetings...

[Tango589]

How will I know when and where the secret meetings are being held?

[vanjast]

Originally Posted by Tango589

Hey Armistead:

Maybe Parklands/R27 Intersection...that power section in the background
Cape Town obviously (CA registration). There are these guys at every corner -becomes effing irritating.

It's just that they're 'professional bums' that work the streets preying on the unwary... but I must admit this guy has a different angle.

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Tango589

How will I know when and where the secret meetings are being held?

We'd tell you but, then we'd have to yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, yackity smackity you.

It's best you don't know though I'm sure Armistead will spill the beans...
then expect the Nug to clean them up. After that, our meals will be dicey for awhile. Pack a lunch.

Actually the great Gazoo will pop up with the notice. Probably while you're in the shower.

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Tango589

How will I know when and where the secret meetings are being held?

Really depends, only the Chairman or the President can call meetings, unless there's an emergency, then anyone can.

Still, they'e no secrets in bilge...we are one, but our secrets {like the secret handshake} must be secret to all those not UBIRATS in the Bilge. We basically just try to keep our secrets from outsiders and moderators...

Now, there are some secrets known only to the directors, but you don't need to know those.

Have you been hazed yet?

[Tango589]

Yes, and I still can't ride my bike.

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Tango589

Yes, and I still can't ride my bike.

I see you found our priest.

Note to Armistead: Restock the molasses so Fahder Randy doesn't haze us all.

You failed to heed the warning about the lube?

And you thought our constant crazy Ivan's were just another secret ritual?

[Tango589]

Originally Posted by Wolferz

I see you found our priest.

Note to Armistead: Restock the molasses so Fahder Randy doesn't haze us all.

You failed to heed the warning about the lube?

And you thought our constant crazy Ivan's were just another secret ritual?

I was carrying my can of lubricant, it's what the priest 'hazed' me with...handle first!

I thought the constant Crazy Ivans were a side effect of drinking 'bilge brew': that lethal mixture of coffee, axle grease, bathtub vodka (made with donnas' bath water) and molasses. That stuff is only good for stripping paint or drinking.

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Tango589

I was carrying my can of lubricant, it's what the priest 'hazed' me with...handle first!

I thought the constant Crazy Ivans were a side effect of drinking 'bilge brew': that lethal mixture of coffee, axle grease, bathtub vodka (made with donnas' bath water) and molasses. That stuff is only good for stripping paint or drinking.

Crazy Ivan's are for guarding the stern from sneaky Fahder Randy, as I'm sure you've discovered.
Just drink more bilge brew. It dulls the pain, degreases
engines, clears those pesky clogs in the head {due to Nug cuisine} and works well in a hurricane lamp.

It could also be blamed for Wernher's psychotic break during that 40 cal. debacle.

Don't fall for this trick in the officer's head...

It leads to an aft torpedo tube.
Armistead thinks it's funny.

[Tango589]

I also think it's pretty damn funny!

Tell me more about this intriguing .40cal debacle...

BTW, where is Wernher? The ministry of magic?

[Wolferz]

Originally Posted by Tango589

I also think it's pretty damn funny!

Tell me more about this intriguing .40cal debacle...

BTW, where is Wernher? The ministry of magic?

Armistead mentioned the 40 cal. debacle earlier and it brings back very painful memories for me and I don't wish to relive it yet again if you don't mind.
Wernher could be in there. We haven't opened the stern tubes in awhile because Armistead only charges in head first with guns a blazing and the COB keeps telling us that the aft torpedo room is out of commission due to constipation or some such nonsense. We'll have to get Fahder Randy back there to probe the case the next time we're in for refit in about six months.

[Aktungbby]

Originally Posted by Wolferz

the officer's head...

AHEM! This is the officer's head-24 carot solid gold BBY! Worth more than $29 million. The bathroom was the brainchild of jeweler Lam Sai-wing, who was inspired by communist leader Lenin's vision that the most appropriate thing to do with gold would be to build public toilets out of it. The working lavatory boasts a state-of-the-art automatic flushing system. there are 900-gram gold bars embedded in the floor. Just 'cause we're bilge rats don't mean we gotta be poor bilge rats!

[Wolferz]

^ Maybe on your boat. Butt not on the USS Bilge. We got the crappy crapper.



This one has a sophisticated flush system too. Just put your lips together and blow.

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Tango589

I was carrying my can of lubricant, it's what the priest 'hazed' me with...handle first!

I thought the constant Crazy Ivans were a side effect of drinking 'bilge brew': that lethal mixture of coffee, axle grease, bathtub vodka (made with donnas' bath water) and molasses. That stuff is only good for stripping paint or drinking.

He was supposed to use the spout, that's why you always want your can full.....

The stew...you left out Wolferz's ground up testes on the dock that I mistook for a jellyfish or sea snail that ended up in the stew.....Someone needs to check and see if donna used it all or froze some for later use...

[Armistead]

NOTICE:

We have our first HALL OF FAME member voted in by his...er...peers.

Congrats to Armistead.