The joke thread II - Page 333

Jimbuna · 01-16-24, 01:19 PM

Are you a detective? I have some undercover work for you.

Platapus · 01-16-24, 03:57 PM

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology.

He said that things were better before all this technology.

So I unplugged his life support.

Jimbuna · 01-17-24, 10:15 AM

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Jimbuna · 01-18-24, 02:49 PM

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Platapus · 01-18-24, 06:05 PM

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic.

I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Jimbuna · 01-19-24, 05:28 AM

It's so cold that I have to take half a Viagra so I won't pee on my shoes.

Platapus · 01-20-24, 07:39 AM

I won $3 million on the lottery so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

Now I have $2,999,999.75

gotta pay it forward

Jimbuna · 01-20-24, 12:59 PM

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Platapus · 01-20-24, 08:51 PM

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!”

The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

Jimbuna · 01-21-24, 06:54 AM

What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.

Jimbuna · 01-22-24, 01:30 PM

How do you make a pool table laugh? You reach into its pockets and tickle its balls.

Jimbuna · 01-22-24, 01:44 PM

You're so stupid you could count your balls all day long and never come up with the same number twice.

Platapus · 01-22-24, 05:02 PM

Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

Jimbuna · 01-23-24, 02:23 PM

Instead of "Who's your daddy" I accidentally said, "How's your daddy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing her dad's cholesterol.

Jimbuna · 01-24-24, 01:37 PM

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.

01-16-24, 01:19 PM	#4981
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Are you a detective? I have some undercover work for you. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-16-24, 03:57 PM	#4982
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,101 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. He said that things were better before all this technology. So I unplugged his life support. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-17-24, 10:15 AM	#4983
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-18-24, 02:49 PM	#4984
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-18-24, 06:05 PM	#4985
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,101 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-19-24, 05:28 AM	#4986
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	It's so cold that I have to take half a Viagra so I won't pee on my shoes. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-20-24, 07:39 AM	#4987
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,101 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I won $3 million on the lottery so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75 gotta pay it forward __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-20-24, 12:59 PM	#4988
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-20-24, 08:51 PM	#4989
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,101 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-21-24, 06:54 AM	#4990
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-22-24, 01:30 PM	#4991
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How do you make a pool table laugh? You reach into its pockets and tickle its balls. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-22-24, 01:44 PM	#4992
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	You're so stupid you could count your balls all day long and never come up with the same number twice. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-22-24, 05:02 PM	#4993
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,101 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-23-24, 02:23 PM	#4994
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Instead of "Who's your daddy" I accidentally said, "How's your daddy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing her dad's cholesterol. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-24-24, 01:37 PM	#4995
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)