The joke thread II - Page 331

Jimbuna · 01-08-24, 07:18 AM

When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."

Jimbuna · 01-08-24, 01:37 PM

I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. She said she didn't have time.

Platapus · 01-08-24, 05:50 PM

My wife says making love is even better on vacation.

I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

Jimbuna · 01-09-24, 07:31 AM

Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up... If you're not in prison.

Jimbuna · 01-09-24, 02:39 PM

Two ADV riders camping out in a tent. One of them crawls out to pee before bed. Comes back all wet. The other rider asks if it's rainy outside. "No - it's windy!"

Platapus · 01-09-24, 04:20 PM

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Jimbuna · 01-10-24, 11:15 AM

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

Platapus · 01-10-24, 05:38 PM

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

Jimbuna · 01-11-24, 06:32 AM

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.

Jimbuna · 01-11-24, 01:47 PM

Our w‌‌hole f‌‌amily i‌‌s r‌‌eally w‌‌orried a‌‌bout m‌‌y g‌‌randfather's V‌‌iagra a‌‌ddiction. Grandma i‌‌s t‌‌aking i‌‌t p‌‌articularly h‌‌ard.

Platapus · 01-11-24, 02:53 PM

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.

Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me either.

Just pretty much leave me alone.

Platapus · 01-12-24, 05:53 AM

Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

Jimbuna · 01-12-24, 07:30 AM

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

Platapus · 01-12-24, 07:47 AM

To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.

Jimbuna · 01-12-24, 08:16 AM

The Doctor told me I have 1 year to live, so I killed him. The judge just gave me 25 years.

01-08-24, 07:18 AM	#4951
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-08-24, 01:37 PM	#4952
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. She said she didn't have time. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-08-24, 05:50 PM	#4953
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,985 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife says making love is even better on vacation. I wish she didn’t tell me via email. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-09-24, 07:31 AM	#4954
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up... If you're not in prison. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-09-24, 02:39 PM	#4955
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two ADV riders camping out in a tent. One of them crawls out to pee before bed. Comes back all wet. The other rider asks if it's rainy outside. "No - it's windy!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-09-24, 04:20 PM	#4956
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,985 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-10-24, 11:15 AM	#4957
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-10-24, 05:38 PM	#4958
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,985 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-11-24, 06:32 AM	#4959
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-11-24, 01:47 PM	#4960
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Our w‌‌hole f‌‌amily i‌‌s r‌‌eally w‌‌orried a‌‌bout m‌‌y g‌‌randfather's V‌‌iagra a‌‌ddiction. Grandma i‌‌s t‌‌aking i‌‌t p‌‌articularly h‌‌ard. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-11-24, 02:53 PM	#4961
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,985 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-12-24, 05:53 AM	#4962
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,985 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-12-24, 07:30 AM	#4963
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-12-24, 07:47 AM	#4964
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,985 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-12-24, 08:16 AM	#4965
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The Doctor told me I have 1 year to live, so I killed him. The judge just gave me 25 years. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)