The joke thread II

[Aktungbby]

[Jimbuna]

My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.

[Eisenwurst]

A squirrel is sitting in his Oak tree when along comes an elephant and sits next to him.


"How'd you come to be in this tree?" says the squirrel.

"Oh I just come up here to eat these delicious oranges" says the elephant.

"You're mad" says the squirrel, "this is an Oak tree, it doesn't grow oranges."

"I know" says the elephant, "that's why I brought these from home."

[Jimbuna]

What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? "Oops!"

[Jimbuna]

What did Blackbeard the pirate say when he turned eighty? "Aye, matey."

[Jimbuna]

What do an apple and an orange have in common? Neither one can drive.

[Jimbuna]

Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would've seen it.

[ET2SN]

I want to start a long distance auto rallye from Intercourse, Pa. to Athol, Ma. but I can't think of a good name for it.

[Jimbuna]

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? "Stay out of those places!"

[Von Due]

The Man U player walks up to the ref and asks for a new ball.
"What's wrong with the one you've got?" the ref asks.
The player replies "Liverpool is using that one".

[Jimbuna]

What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.

[Jimbuna]

Where did the king keep his armies? Up his sleevies.

[Jimbuna]

There are three types of people in the world. Those of us who are good at math and those of us who aren't.

[Commander Wallace]

Of all the people I know in the world, you're one of them.

[Jimbuna]

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.