The joke thread II - Page 21

Jimbuna · 08-03-18, 07:21 AM

Today my wife told me that women are better at multitasking than men so I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what.. she couldn’t do either.

Jimbuna · 08-04-18, 08:09 AM

Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
Husband: Yeah that’s true. Wars require strategy, planning and logic.

Jimbuna · 08-05-18, 06:26 AM

When shopping I always hold hands with my girlfriend. People think it’s for romantic reasons but it’s actually for economic reasons.

Catfish · 08-05-18, 10:51 AM

Yesterday i picked up a hitchhiker. He asked me whether i were not afraid that he could be a serial killer. I said that chances were low that there were two serial killers sitting in one car, statistically.
Zack Silence.

Jimbuna · 08-06-18, 02:59 PM

Can’t believe how much my girlfriend is crying about her new haircut. Its much worse for me, I’m the one who’s gonna have to find a new girlfriend now.

Jimbuna · 08-07-18, 09:55 AM

I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my parents. When I was first born I didn’t speak to them for 2 years.

Jimbuna · 08-08-18, 07:11 AM

My wife created a website earlier today to give advice to people who are victims of domestic abuse. She’s had 50 hits today already.

Jimbuna · 08-09-18, 04:49 AM

My girlfriend told me this morning she doesn’t trust me.

I guess that’s one more thing she has in common with my wife.

mikesn9 · 08-09-18, 05:28 AM

Quote:

My girlfriend told me this morning she doesn’t trust me.

I guess that’s one more thing she has in common with my wife.

Laughed out loud.. good one.

mikesn9 · 08-09-18, 05:30 AM

My wife is very picky..
How picky?
I could bring home a girl every night for a month, and she wouldn't like one.

Not even one!

Jimbuna · 08-10-18, 06:07 AM

The wife and I were sitting on the couch watching the TV and it was boring so I thought I’d start a conversation.

Me: How many men have you had in total?
Wife: Are sure you want to know?
Me: Yeh, go on.
Wife: 7.
Me (after a pause): so I was number 7.
Wife: no, you were number 2.

Jimbuna · 08-11-18, 07:30 AM

What is 6 inches long, 3 inches wide and drives women crazy?

A £50 note.

Jimbuna · 08-12-18, 08:59 AM

The police came over to my house last night after me and my wife had an argument. I said “Officer there’s no reason for you to be here tonight, I’ve already tasered her.”

Jimbuna · 08-13-18, 01:15 PM

Husband: “Honey I think your mum tried to have sex with me last night! ”
Wife: “That’s impossible, she’s on holiday!”
Husband: “Oh ok, well maybe you should wear more makeup then!”

Catfish · 08-14-18, 07:05 AM

I thought the vasectomy kept my wife from getting pregnant,
but it only changed the colour of the baby.

08-03-18, 07:21 AM	#301
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Today my wife told me that women are better at multitasking than men so I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what.. she couldn’t do either. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-04-18, 08:09 AM	#302
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Husband: Yeah that’s true. Wars require strategy, planning and logic. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-05-18, 06:26 AM	#303
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When shopping I always hold hands with my girlfriend. People think it’s for romantic reasons but it’s actually for economic reasons. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-05-18, 10:51 AM	#304
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,913 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Yesterday i picked up a hitchhiker. He asked me whether i were not afraid that he could be a serial killer. I said that chances were low that there were two serial killers sitting in one car, statistically. Zack Silence. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

08-06-18, 02:59 PM	#305
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can’t believe how much my girlfriend is crying about her new haircut. Its much worse for me, I’m the one who’s gonna have to find a new girlfriend now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-07-18, 09:55 AM	#306
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my parents. When I was first born I didn’t speak to them for 2 years. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-08-18, 07:11 AM	#307
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife created a website earlier today to give advice to people who are victims of domestic abuse. She’s had 50 hits today already. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-09-18, 04:49 AM	#308
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My girlfriend told me this morning she doesn’t trust me. I guess that’s one more thing she has in common with my wife. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-09-18, 05:30 AM	#310
mikesn9 Sonar Guy Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Sarasota Florida Posts: 391 Downloads: 68 Uploads: 0	on a similar note: My wife is very picky.. How picky? I could bring home a girl every night for a month, and she wouldn't like one. Not even one!

08-10-18, 06:07 AM	#311
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The wife and I were sitting on the couch watching the TV and it was boring so I thought I’d start a conversation. Me: How many men have you had in total? Wife: Are sure you want to know? Me: Yeh, go on. Wife: 7. Me (after a pause): so I was number 7. Wife: no, you were number 2. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-11-18, 07:30 AM	#312
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What is 6 inches long, 3 inches wide and drives women crazy? A £50 note. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-12-18, 08:59 AM	#313
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The police came over to my house last night after me and my wife had an argument. I said “Officer there’s no reason for you to be here tonight, I’ve already tasered her.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-13-18, 01:15 PM	#314
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,497 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Husband: “Honey I think your mum tried to have sex with me last night! ” Wife: “That’s impossible, she’s on holiday!” Husband: “Oh ok, well maybe you should wear more makeup then!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-14-18, 07:05 AM	#315
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,913 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	I thought the vasectomy kept my wife from getting pregnant, but it only changed the colour of the baby. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.