The joke thread II - Page 20

Lord_magerius · 07-28-18, 04:58 AM

I found my first Grey pubic hair today and I was shocked, although not as shocked as the other passengers on the bus.

Jimbuna · 07-28-18, 07:30 AM

Can’t believe how much doctors lie. Last year I went to hospital to get a vasectomy to stop my wife getting pregnant but it turns out all it does is change the colour of the baby.

Jimbuna · 07-29-18, 05:11 AM

Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed…

Two minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Jimbuna · 07-30-18, 10:13 AM

I never have any luck with women. The other day my girlfriend won a trip for 2 to Las Vegas, she went there twice on her own.

Von Due · 07-30-18, 10:30 AM

My girlfriend told me she wanted something that would go from 0 to 200 in 1 second. Got her a bathroom scale and she punched my lights out. What gives?

My girlfriend asked "do I look fat in this dress?", I sad "yes" and she punched my teeth down a floor. What gives?

AVGWarhawk · 07-30-18, 12:32 PM

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

Platapus · 07-30-18, 06:17 PM

I broke up with my Girlfriend because of religious differences
She thought she was a goddess
I didn't

Jimbuna · 07-31-18, 08:40 AM

Got in trouble last night after I went on a date but didn’t open the car door for the lady I was with. To my shame I decided to just swim to the surface and save myself.

Von Due · 07-31-18, 11:13 AM

My wife always stands by my side. No way am I spending money on another chair.

Peter Cremer · 07-31-18, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Got in trouble last night after I went on a date but didn’t open the car door for the lady I was with. To my shame I decided to just swim to the surface and save myself.

I'll probably get ripped for asking this but, is your name Kennedy by any chance?

Jimbuna · 08-01-18, 07:23 AM

A recent study has found that women who carry a bit of extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Jimbuna · 08-01-18, 10:18 AM

Really satisfied my wife in bed last night. I slept on the sofa.

Platapus · 08-01-18, 05:44 PM

My wife likes to talk dirty to me during sex
Last night she called from her hotel room

R Dangerfield

Jimbuna · 08-02-18, 07:05 AM

Got stopped by a women in the street today. She said “Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last 3 years that wasn’t your fault? I said, “Yes, she’s nearly 3 now.”

Jimbuna · 08-02-18, 08:40 AM

When me and my wife have arguments I always have the last word. Usually those words are ‘Sorry, you’re right’.

07-28-18, 04:58 AM	#286
Lord_magerius Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Right by the hydrophone station Posts: 724 Downloads: 96 Uploads: 0	I found my first Grey pubic hair today and I was shocked, although not as shocked as the other passengers on the bus. __________________

07-28-18, 07:30 AM	#287
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,491 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can’t believe how much doctors lie. Last year I went to hospital to get a vasectomy to stop my wife getting pregnant but it turns out all it does is change the colour of the baby. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-29-18, 05:11 AM	#288
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,491 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed… Two minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-30-18, 10:13 AM	#289
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,491 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I never have any luck with women. The other day my girlfriend won a trip for 2 to Las Vegas, she went there twice on her own. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-30-18, 12:32 PM	#291
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 27,343 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads..." __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

07-30-18, 10:30 AM	#290
Von Due Sea Lord Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 1,665 Downloads: 30 Uploads: 0	My girlfriend told me she wanted something that would go from 0 to 200 in 1 second. Got her a bathroom scale and she punched my lights out. What gives? My girlfriend asked "do I look fat in this dress?", I sad "yes" and she punched my teeth down a floor. What gives?

07-30-18, 06:17 PM	#292
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,990 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I broke up with my Girlfriend because of religious differences She thought she was a goddess I didn't __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

07-31-18, 08:40 AM	#293
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,491 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got in trouble last night after I went on a date but didn’t open the car door for the lady I was with. To my shame I decided to just swim to the surface and save myself. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-31-18, 11:13 AM	#294
Von Due Sea Lord Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 1,665 Downloads: 30 Uploads: 0	My wife always stands by my side. No way am I spending money on another chair.

08-01-18, 07:23 AM	#296
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,491 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A recent study has found that women who carry a bit of extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-01-18, 10:18 AM	#297
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,491 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Really satisfied my wife in bed last night. I slept on the sofa. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-01-18, 05:44 PM	#298
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,990 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My wife likes to talk dirty to me during sex Last night she called from her hotel room R Dangerfield __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-02-18, 07:05 AM	#299
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,491 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got stopped by a women in the street today. She said “Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last 3 years that wasn’t your fault? I said, “Yes, she’s nearly 3 now.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-02-18, 08:40 AM	#300
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,491 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When me and my wife have arguments I always have the last word. Usually those words are ‘Sorry, you’re right’. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)