The joke thread II - Page 198

Jeff-Groves · 05-04-21, 01:44 PM

Our Emergency Room Doctor has an unusual Hobby.
He is a Stand up comedian.
Every time I visit him he leaves me in stitches.

Armistead · 05-04-21, 09:46 PM

An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, the with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
"We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Jimbuna · 05-05-21, 10:39 AM

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Jimbuna · 05-05-21, 10:40 AM

Parallel lines have so much in common.

It's a shame they'll never meet.

Texas Red · 05-05-21, 06:10 PM

How do you confuse someone?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.

Platapus · 05-05-21, 06:36 PM

The local sporting goods store had a huge sale on canoe accessories

It was quite the oar-deal

Texas Red · 05-05-21, 09:04 PM

What's yellow and is something you shouldn't drink?

A school bus.

Catfish · 05-06-21, 03:46 AM

^ In Germany, all postal things were yellow, from letter boxes to buses etc..
From 1980ies:

What's yellow and is something you shouldn't drink?
A ~~school~~ post bus.

What is yellow and hops through the forest?
The post frog.

What is yellow and sinks?
The post ship.

Catfish · 05-06-21, 03:54 AM

Two U-boats meet in a forest.
Says the one "So?"
Says the other "So what?"

Jimbuna · 05-06-21, 11:29 AM

Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that.

Jimbuna · 05-06-21, 11:30 AM

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.....and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

Catfish · 05-07-21, 02:03 AM

""Why did you knock on the fridge?"
"Because there could be a salad dressing."

Catfish · 05-07-21, 04:26 AM

So you say Mexico is only sending drug dealers and rapists.
But you worry they will take your jobs.
What exactly do you do for a living?

Jimbuna · 05-07-21, 12:41 PM

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

Jimbuna · 05-07-21, 12:42 PM

You're not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

05-04-21, 09:46 PM	#2957
Armistead Rear Admiral Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: on the Dan Posts: 10,864 Downloads: 364 Uploads: 0	An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, the with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. "We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open." __________________ You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.

05-05-21, 10:39 AM	#2958
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,445 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-05-21, 10:40 AM	#2959
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,445 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-05-21, 06:10 PM	#2960
Texas Red Fastest Gun Around Join Date: Aug 2019 Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico Posts: 2,376 Downloads: 527 Uploads: 5	How do you confuse someone? Paint yourself green and throw forks at them. __________________ There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP!

05-05-21, 06:36 PM	#2961
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,990 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The local sporting goods store had a huge sale on canoe accessories It was quite the oar-deal __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-04-21, 01:44 PM	#2956
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,394 Downloads: 131 Uploads: 0	Our Emergency Room Doctor has an unusual Hobby. He is a Stand up comedian. Every time I visit him he leaves me in stitches.

05-05-21, 09:04 PM	#2962
Texas Red Fastest Gun Around Join Date: Aug 2019 Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico Posts: 2,376 Downloads: 527 Uploads: 5	What's yellow and is something you shouldn't drink? A school bus. __________________ There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP!

05-06-21, 03:46 AM	#2963
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,908 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^ In Germany, all postal things were yellow, from letter boxes to buses etc.. From 1980ies: What's yellow and is something you shouldn't drink? A ~~school~~ post bus. What is yellow and hops through the forest? The post frog. What is yellow and sinks? The post ship. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

05-06-21, 03:54 AM	#2964
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,908 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Two U-boats meet in a forest. Says the one "So?" Says the other "So what?" __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

05-06-21, 11:29 AM	#2965
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,445 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-06-21, 11:30 AM	#2966
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,445 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My grandfather has the heart of a lion.....and a lifetime ban at the zoo. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-07-21, 02:03 AM	#2967
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,908 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	""Why did you knock on the fridge?" "Because there could be a salad dressing." __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

05-07-21, 04:26 AM	#2968
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,908 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	So you say Mexico is only sending drug dealers and rapists. But you worry they will take your jobs. What exactly do you do for a living? __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

05-07-21, 12:41 PM	#2969
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,445 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

05-07-21, 12:42 PM	#2970
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,445 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	You're not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)