The joke thread II - Page 142

Jimbuna · 07-19-20, 06:35 AM

Went to a party last night. I thought I looked pretty smart, but some Jewish bloke came up to me and said “The ’70s called… They want their shirt back!” so I said, “The ’40s called… your shower’s ready.”

Jimbuna · 07-20-20, 02:14 PM

Just Googled “Gary Oldman” and some pretty disturbing images came up…
Then I realised I’d left the “R” out.

Jimbuna · 07-20-20, 02:16 PM

My Jewish mate has been with his Tourette’s suffering girlfriend for years now. I always wondered what kept them together.

Then I saw the swear jar.

Jimbuna · 07-21-20, 08:01 AM

Did you know that 85% of pie charts resemble Pacman?

Jimbuna · 07-21-20, 08:02 AM

Did you hear about the new mummy they’ve discovered in Egypt? It was covered in nuts and chocolate.

They think his name was Pharaoh Rocher.

Catfish · 07-21-20, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Went to a party last night. I thought I looked pretty smart, but some Jewish bloke came up to me and said “The ’70s called… They want their shirt back!” so I said, “The ’40s called… your shower’s ready.”

uh oh .. you can read this in at least two ways ..

Jimbuna · 07-21-20, 12:24 PM

Hopefully people will take it in the intended context after taking into consideration the thread title.

Platapus · 07-21-20, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catfish

uh oh .. you can read this in at least two ways ..

No, I think there is only one way to read this.

magic452 · 07-22-20, 02:15 AM

Did you know that there are no canaries on the Canary Islands?

Same thing on the Virgin Islands;

No canaries there either.

Magic

Jimbuna · 07-22-20, 05:34 AM

Went to Subway today and they had an offer ‘£3 – Choose between 9 Subs and a Drink’ I said “What a dumb choice, I’ll take the 9 subs please”.

Jimbuna · 07-22-20, 05:35 AM

I’ve been sleeping with this bloke’s wife and today he sent me this text: “You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!” To which I replied: “8 out of 10, the word (I’ll ) requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”

Platapus · 07-22-20, 05:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by magic452

Did you know that there are no canaries on the Canary Islands?

Same thing on the Virgin Islands;

No canaries there either.

Magic

Reminds me of a scene from the movie The Cheap Detective

Gentlemen, may I present Miss Betty DeBoop from the Islands?
Caribbean or Virgin?
Well, let's just say I came back a Caribbean.

Jimbuna · 07-23-20, 01:42 PM

Jimbuna · 07-23-20, 01:43 PM

Jimbuna · 07-24-20, 01:24 PM

Women love a man brimming with confidence. Because, without that, what’s left to destroy?

07-19-20, 06:35 AM	#2116
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went to a party last night. I thought I looked pretty smart, but some Jewish bloke came up to me and said “The ’70s called… They want their shirt back!” so I said, “The ’40s called… your shower’s ready.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-20-20, 02:14 PM	#2117
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just Googled “Gary Oldman” and some pretty disturbing images came up… Then I realised I’d left the “R” out. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-20-20, 02:16 PM	#2118
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My Jewish mate has been with his Tourette’s suffering girlfriend for years now. I always wondered what kept them together. Then I saw the swear jar. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-21-20, 08:01 AM	#2119
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you know that 85% of pie charts resemble Pacman? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-21-20, 08:02 AM	#2120
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the new mummy they’ve discovered in Egypt? It was covered in nuts and chocolate. They think his name was Pharaoh Rocher. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-21-20, 12:24 PM	#2122
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Hopefully people will take it in the intended context after taking into consideration the thread title. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-22-20, 02:15 AM	#2124
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Did you know that there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same thing on the Virgin Islands; No canaries there either. Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

07-22-20, 05:34 AM	#2125
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went to Subway today and they had an offer ‘£3 – Choose between 9 Subs and a Drink’ I said “What a dumb choice, I’ll take the 9 subs please”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-22-20, 05:35 AM	#2126
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ve been sleeping with this bloke’s wife and today he sent me this text: “You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!” To which I replied: “8 out of 10, the word (I’ll ) requires an apostrophe and a capital I.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-23-20, 01:42 PM	#2128
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-23-20, 01:43 PM	#2129
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-24-20, 01:24 PM	#2130
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Women love a man brimming with confidence. Because, without that, what’s left to destroy? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)