Instructions from the I.T. Department

SUBMAN1 · 01-09-08, 10:27 AM

The story of my life. Ughh!

-S

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art.

Don't ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen.

If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, "I didn't do anything."

When we say we'll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won't
have to answer silly questions from us, like "what's your screen saver password?"

When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, "I can't get my email". We don't need to know that the computer won't even turn on.

Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance.
You don't really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive.

Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase.

When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn't work, call us.
Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too.

If the document you sent to the printer didn't print, send it at least 20 more times.
One of them is bound to work.

Don't ever learn the proper name for anything technical.
We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

Don't waste your time using the built in help files.
We already had to learn the hard way, why should you?

If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across
the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place.

Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen.
Just click the X to close it or the first button your mouse gets to.

Don't ever try rebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately.
Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that.

Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about this computer crap".
We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

When you receive a huge movie file that's really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends.
We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth.

Don't bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet.
Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth.

Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks.
Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue.

When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars,
that's the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working.

Don't bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own.
We certainly don't need to keep track of those things.

Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on.

Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and monitor.

Skybird · 01-09-08, 10:38 AM

Argh!

My monitor did not want any espresso, but he got it nevertheless, mouthwarm.

sonar732 · 01-09-08, 11:55 AM

Feel free to eat and drink anything while typing and complain when the keyboard doesn't work because something is spilled on it like coffee or soda. Oh...and not tell us what the sticky substance is on the keys.

Zantham · 01-09-08, 05:39 PM

"Of course, $10 is plenty of money for the privilege of working on your computer for hours trying to remove those nasty rootkits that mysteriously installed themselves on your computer. We love our jobs, and do not require money to live."

And that the only time you invite us over for beers is when you need your computer fixed.

Tchocky · 01-09-08, 05:43 PM

TarJak · 01-09-08, 07:17 PM

Always answer the question "Is it plugged in?" in the affirmative regardless of whether you've bothered to check or not.

Make sure that when you call for support at 5:30pm on Friday that your problem will take at least 4 hours to fix and then go to the pub as soon as you hang up. IT guys have no life anyway.

Kapitan_Phillips · 01-09-08, 08:35 PM

Ducimus · 01-15-08, 10:52 PM

:rotfl: a classic.

VipertheSniper · 01-16-08, 07:16 AM

Arghh, what did I get myself into, I just landed a job as IT-Support after more than two years unemployment... Guess I'll just pretend being happy that I've finally got a job again.

sonar732 · 01-16-08, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VipertheSniper

Arghh, what did I get myself into, I just landed a job as IT-Support after more than two years unemployment... Guess I'll just pretend being happy that I've finally got a job again.

Congrats! What level of support do you do?

sonar732 · 01-16-08, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VipertheSniper

Arghh, what did I get myself into, I just landed a job as IT-Support after more than two years unemployment... Guess I'll just pretend being happy that I've finally got a job again.

Congrats! What level of support do you do?

On another note...Since I'm on dial-up, I was wondering what the youtube video is. I remember seeing one where you saw a bunch of people in a meeting setting and the guy jumped over the large table and started wailling on another guy that was throwing something at him. THAT...was funny.

VipertheSniper · 01-16-08, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sonar732

Quote:

Originally Posted by VipertheSniper

Arghh, what did I get myself into, I just landed a job as IT-Support after more than two years unemployment... Guess I'll just pretend being happy that I've finally got a job again.

Congrats! What level of support do you do?

1st Level Support, but I expect if all goes well, I'll soon do 2nd Level.

About the video, it's not the one you describe, which I've seen too, it's a sketch, pretty funny.

baggygreen · 01-16-08, 05:16 PM

First would be bliss - i do first, second, what we call escalated, and then the invoicing for every job to go with it. Did i mention i look after more than 10k printers and copiers across the country?

users =

sonar732 · 01-16-08, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baggygreen

First would be bliss - i do first, second, what we call escalated, and then the invoicing for every job to go with it. Did i mention i look after more than 10k printers and copiers across the country?

users =

10k? OOOUUUCCCHHHH!

In a community college that I worked for, we would do preventative maintenance on each laser printer. I just cringe at the thought of the logs of those printers and copiers.

baggygreen · 01-16-08, 07:29 PM

yeh, 10k.

Fortunately I dont go service them, I dish that off to whatever service provider is nearest them normally, but trying to keep track of all of them is painful.

You can guess how many calls i have open at any one time, and im meant to know exactly whats going on with every one at any given time.... eep

01-09-08, 10:27 AM	#1
SUBMAN1 Rear Admiral Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 11,866 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Instructions from the I.T. Department The story of my life. Ughh! -S When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. Don't ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen. If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, "I didn't do anything." When we say we'll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won't have to answer silly questions from us, like "what's your screen saver password?" When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, "I can't get my email". We don't need to know that the computer won't even turn on. Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance. You don't really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive. Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase. When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn't work, call us. Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too. If the document you sent to the printer didn't print, send it at least 20 more times. One of them is bound to work. Don't ever learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up". Don't waste your time using the built in help files. We already had to learn the hard way, why should you? If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place. Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen. Just click the X to close it or the first button your mouse gets to. Don't ever try rebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately. Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about this computer crap". We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap. When you receive a huge movie file that's really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends. We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth. Don't bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet. Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue. When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars, that's the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working. Don't bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own. We certainly don't need to keep track of those things. Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on. Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and monitor. __________________

01-09-08, 10:38 AM	#2
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 41,489 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	Argh! My monitor did not want any espresso, but he got it nevertheless, mouthwarm. __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

01-09-08, 05:43 PM	#5
Tchocky Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 5,874 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	__________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

01-09-08, 08:35 PM	#7
Kapitan_Phillips Silent Hunter Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Swansea Posts: 3,902 Downloads: 204 Uploads: 0	__________________ Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

01-09-08, 11:55 AM	#3
sonar732 The Old Man Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Central MO Posts: 1,562 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	Feel free to eat and drink anything while typing and complain when the keyboard doesn't work because something is spilled on it like coffee or soda. Oh...and not tell us what the sticky substance is on the keys.

01-09-08, 05:39 PM	#4
Zantham 中国水兵 Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 283 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 1	"Of course, $10 is plenty of money for the privilege of working on your computer for hours trying to remove those nasty rootkits that mysteriously installed themselves on your computer. We love our jobs, and do not require money to live." And that the only time you invite us over for beers is when you need your computer fixed.

01-09-08, 07:17 PM	#6
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	Always answer the question "Is it plugged in?" in the affirmative regardless of whether you've bothered to check or not. Make sure that when you call for support at 5:30pm on Friday that your problem will take at least 4 hours to fix and then go to the pub as soon as you hang up. IT guys have no life anyway.

01-15-08, 10:52 PM	#8
Ducimus Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 12,987 Downloads: 67 Uploads: 2	:rotfl: a classic.

01-16-08, 07:16 AM	#9
VipertheSniper Ace of the Deep Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Austria Posts: 1,038 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Arghh, what did I get myself into, I just landed a job as IT-Support after more than two years unemployment... Guess I'll just pretend being happy that I've finally got a job again.

01-16-08, 05:16 PM	#13
baggygreen Sea Lord Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canberra, ACT, Down Under (really On Top) Posts: 1,880 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	First would be bliss - i do first, second, what we call escalated, and then the invoicing for every job to go with it. Did i mention i look after more than 10k printers and copiers across the country? users =

01-16-08, 07:29 PM	#15
baggygreen Sea Lord Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canberra, ACT, Down Under (really On Top) Posts: 1,880 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	yeh, 10k. Fortunately I dont go service them, I dish that off to whatever service provider is nearest them normally, but trying to keep track of all of them is painful. You can guess how many calls i have open at any one time, and im meant to know exactly whats going on with every one at any given time.... eep