Found in my little box recently
Name redacted to protect the guilty party - unless he wants to come forward of course
Quote:
The Book of St. Squirrel-Chapter 5, Verse 4
“The Lord has revealed unto me a vision unlike that of any others I have seen. Dressed in clothing like that of a divine being, a man with a head of snow hair whacked squirrels day and night. It didn’t matter whether or not the squirrels were tired and had been whacked enough, the man whacked them even more on days nobody thought he would. The squirrels appealed to angels, asking for mercy. The fact that the squirrels even asked for mercy when it was beyond their authority to do so shocked our God the Lord.
He declared: ‘Bound those subservient and devious hairy devils fast in Dudael. May their trees no longer produce acorns. They have gone against my holy plan for the world and have rejected my love. Banish them, Michael, to the likes of where Moloch, Azazel, and Beelzebub are imprisoned!’
And so it was. The squirrels were imprisoned for going against Eichoren, the heavenly whacking deity, who was ordained by God to make it his life’s passion of delivering fun to His creation by whacking squirrels on an online forum’”
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