Have you thought of a different approach to your Opening Post Gorpet?, get into Europe, France is a must for this to work, get in touch with the small boat smugglers and eventually you'll end up on the shores of the UK.
Just tell the Border Force Officials that you identify as a "black migrant currant" and you'll be given food, clothing, a roof over your head and as many fags and bottles of beer that you can drink.
Then you can claim the "crème de la crème" of excuses and remind them that you're suffering from "Mental Health" problems and you're at risk of an immediate head explosion.
Now get in there with the final "Coup de Grâce" of excuses and start quoting chapter and verse the ECHR (European Convention on Human Rights) document, that'll **** em up and you'll be able to stay here forever, you're made for life and you'll never have to work again.
Bollocks!, why didn't I do that in 1997.
