A new priest does his first mass. He is very nervous and he stammers his way through. Afterwards, he approaches the Monsignor to ask how he thought it went.
"Well," says the monsignor, "Try a little wine before you do your next mass."
So the next time the priest delivers a real fire and brimstone sermon, after which he asks the monsignor, "How did I do this time?"
The fellow clergyman replies, "You did well, son, but I need to clear up a few of your misconceptions. First off, it was the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.' Next, David slew Goliath; he didn't 'whip the sh!t out of him.' And last of all we are planning a taffy pulling contest here at St. Peter, not a 'Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.'
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